To All The Tools I’ve Loved Before: The Liar (SAST)

David Brumley
March 3, 2021
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Valentine’s Day has unfortunately come to a close. What follows love? Heartbreak.

That’s right, it's time to dust off your best stationary and bust out the ice cream because we’re writing a series of break up letters. 

What can we say? Life has embittered us...or has it? You’ll have to wait until the end of this To All The Tools I’ve Loved Before four part blog series to find out. 

See below for part 2 of this blog series.


Dear Static Analysis (SAST),

I believed you for so long and, for that, shame on me. Who knew that it would be the trust I had in you that would ultimately break my relationships -- with you and others? You’ve caused so much hurt. Our relationship is broken. But, now I see that the only thing left to do is destroy this relationship completely. Break everything into tiny pieces, so tiny that it can’t be put back together. There’s no fixing us. The only way forward is to start over, separately.

At first, things were great. You were the ideal AppSec partner. You mingled so well with my family -- my developers and workflows. You caught their hearts and, as a result, you caught mine.

Over time, I saw your lies. In the beginning, they were white lies. Those lies were coupled with excuses that seemed reasonable at the time. Back then, the good in you outweighed those harmless fibs. But, they kept happening again and again and again. I saw what was happening, but I wanted -- needed -- to deny it. We had already invested so much time and money into us! 

The more my developers pressed me on your gaslighting ways, the more it made me want to hang on to what was left of our relationship. But, I can’t deny it any more. You’re a chronic liar and you should really get help. It’s over. Despite what you say, you’re never going to change.

You told me that I will never do better than you, that I’ll never amount to anything without you. 

But I will. I’m moving on and up. That’s a promise (something you wouldn’t know).

I wish you nothing but the best,

Your Apps


Are all these references flying over your head? Then, you ought to check out Netflix’s hit teen romcom series: To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before.

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